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Saturday, March 26, 2011

An excerpt from my manuscript, Synesthesis, for the Nature of Magic blogfest.

Today is the Nature of Magic blogfest. The task: "Write or share something you’ve already written that, to you, shows the nature of magic. It can be an excerpt from your WIP, something you’ve written especially, poetry, whatever strikes your fancy. It just needs to show the nature of magic as it exists for you or for those you write about." I hope the magic of the scene speaks for itself.

I have inserted an excerpt from my manuscript, Synesthesis. This particular section is a flashback. (It's not a spoiler--just a teaser :-P--don't you worry.) That's also why it's in italics.


It was not a surprise that Peter cried when he saw sunlight for the first time in eighteen months. He screamed at the top of his lungs, his soon to be post-pubescent voice much deeper than he remembered it. He ran in circles around the group and his whole body flew with a newfound energy. His feet, so ecstatic to be able to run, could have dashed right off his body and danced into the slowly arriving sunset. Peter punched the air and flexed every muscle in his body. He did not want to go on the bus that would soon arrive for him. He did not want to be confined ever again.
Strangely enough, surrounded by emptiness and ash and uncertainty, he had never felt more complete. Even Chiara--even knowing she could have been here to see this, aching for her to still be alive to feel this freedom--even that could not slow him down.

Brigid, watching her son from a safe distance, let her shoulders rise as the sunlight warmed her skin. Her body seemed to stretch and grow as it acclimated to the fresh air, and its rhythm became faster and more lively. She yawned and expanded, collapsing on the dusty soil to watch her son run laps around her.
Her eyes and cheeks warmed at his growth and surviving passion and energy. It did not matter who saw her as she cried slowly and silently, wearing the first honest smile in a year and a half. She did not desire to chase Peter. She did not want to attempt to take away his freedom or diminish it in any way. She just wanted to be with him while he came back into himself.
Watching him scream and shout, Brigid felt alive with him. They were out! They were free! The world was theirs! And her son, her darling son, smiled again.
Peter still had his whole life ahead of him. He would grow stronger no matter what struggles laid ahead. That was the good news. That was why Brigid kept grinning even though another monster began to refill the tears in her eyes. Even though her mind raced, she pushed all of it back for her resilient son. Because her son was immortal, and if Peter lived forever, then she would have no choice but to live with him.
As they rode for hours to their destination, Peter rested his head on his mother’s chest and stared out the window and up at the stars. He had never seen so many sparklers in the sky before. They had always been blocked by the streetlamps and the house lights. But now, the sky existed as a canvas on which he could paint all of his dreams in whichever way Peter wished to align the stars. He knew his mother worried about him. He could feel it by the way she spontaneously hugged him closer to her and kissed the top of his head.
“It’s gonna be okay, Mom,” he whispered. He didn’t have to see her trembling lips to know they shook for him.
“Your father isn’t going to be there, when we get there,” she said. It felt foolish saying it; she knew her son must have known this already. “It’s just going to be you and me.”
“Well, we’ve always made a great team, you and me. This is our time to do things the way that we want to.” Peter always knew how to say things in just the right way to make others feel better. Brigid patted his stomach as she held him
“Yes, Peter,” she said. “I suppose you’re right.”

Don't be afraid to let me know if there's any way you think I could improve the scene. (Or, certainly tell me if you like it!)

<3 Gina Blechman

16 comments:

  1. Bravo Gina! I really enjoyed it!

    EJ

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  2. How lovely. I want to know more of why Peter was blind, and what his mother meant by him being immortal. I would definitely read more. Thanks for sharing!

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  3. You set up so many questions for me to wonder over. Can't wait for another excerpt. =)
    Edge of Your Seat Romance

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  4. Gina: Nice writing! I'm intrigued by this. What exactly are Peter and his mom? What is the setting? Who is Dad?
    Ooooohh, I love it when I end up with more questions than answers! Good luck with this!

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  5. ah... ha... she says ... that was enlightening for me. :-)

    good job!

    sarah

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  6. Very intriguing! What a great excerpt!

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  7. Intriguing. I can't figure out whether Peter and Brigid are human or not. Lots of mysteries in this excerpt!

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  8. Man, I enjoyed that! Beutifully writteen - I can't wait for the next taster. Let me know if you ever need a reader!
    LX

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  9. Beautiful, and you bounce between Peter and Brigid so seamlessly! Well done.

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  10. A smooth bit of writing! You have me intrigued, too...what's up with Peter?

    Thank you for joining in on the magic!

    tessa.x

    ps. please pop in on the 30th of March to vote on the finalists!

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  11. Ooooh, interesting--I wanna know what happens next! Thanks for participating!

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  12. Aww. Peter is an adorable kid. And I want to know why they've been confined for so long now-- I think I might cry if I saw sunlight for the first time in 18 months, too!

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  13. This is some really great writing. :) Super intense - my kind of thing! Brigid is a really interesting and unique name.

    ~TRA

    http://xtheredangelx.blogspot.com

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  14. That was so beautiful it made me tear up a little :) How completely magical to see sunlight for the first time after a long time in the dark. That's how I feel everyday when I get out of work ;)

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