Sunday, February 13, 2011

Just in time for Valentine's Day

It wasn't that we didn't know. We all knew it. You, me, them. From the very first glance to the very last kiss.

Did we really think we were better than our destinies?

"We can trick fate. We can bend reality." So foolish as to see ourselves as more than fools.

We were each other's gods. Living and breathing by the bible of each others touches and kisses and words. Even after disappointment had drowned our kingdom, we swam through the floods hoping for the next shower of brimstone to burn away the fear. The hidden terrors of loneliness. The truth that, in fact, two broken halves did not always make a whole.

Sitting on your back porch swing, we planned our futures with our eyes closed--face towards the stars but hearts never quite reaching them. We counted future children. Mapped out gardens and playgrounds and lazy afternoons. Filled our moments with the currently unnattainable and the pasts we'd dreamed we'd had.

We were just passing time, but it felt like living free. It felt like stepping out. Like breathing in dew drops or swallowing rain. Inhaling crispness as though freshness was a place  to live and be.

It didn't matter, then. It didn't matter any of those times. We could barely speak, barely look at each other, barely relate on the day to day issues. Your emotions were too tender. My walls too low.

We kidded ourselves into believing that we were the exception to it all. That if we could be, then perhaps all the other lies that we'd been told would be less true in our shadow. Your mother would be less heartless, my sister less cold. And we would live. Happily. Ever. After.

It was a perfect theory: the fairytale. You, the manic Snow White and I the depressive cinderella, hating each other on alternating days.

But as long as the lining remained silver and the sky remained blue, as long as death was not ahead and our lives were left far behind...

Well, let's just say, we were unprepared to care about the consequences of fate.

(Dedicated to my ex.....)

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