So just to update you all, I am blogging to you in a darkened room, my roommate sleeping on the bed across from me, me-barely awake, at 12:12 in the morning. Yes, 12:12 AM. I am wretched tired and barely able to keep my eyes open, but my college internet has been on the fritz all day and I have been thinking about what to write in my blog all day. So, here I am. Surviving on sheer will and the very loud Tori Amos music blasting through my headphones. Just for you. FEEL SPECIAL!
Alright, so out of all of the things that passed through my mind today, the thoughts that interested me the most were the ones that came to me as I was watching A Single Man on showtime. I don't know if you've ever seen this subtle and magnificent movie, but if you haven't you need to. Colin Firth and Julianne Moore are divine. (Not that this is anything out of the ordinary for the two of them. Both of them starred in (also fabulous) movies that are up for an oscar this year.)
The gist of the story, in case you're one of the poor folk who have not seen it, is this: After he learns that his lover has died, the main character spends the entire day trying to figure out whether life is worth living or not. During the course of the day, he (Colin Firth) teaches his college class, nearly has a fling with a few different men, almost kills himself a few times, and visits his old friend (Julianne Moore), and, as is typical with these sorts of movies, drinks large quantities of alcohol.
What interested me the most about this lovely choice of a Valentines Day movie, *sarcasm,* was the fantastic yet believeable emotional roller coaster that the actors took me through. All of those abstract emotions and events-love, pain, death, joy, heartache, loneliness, nostalgia-that occured over the course of 114 minutes.
We call these emotiona "abstract," but not because they are foreign. In fact, all of these emotions are ones that we are all more than guarrenteed to feel over the course of our lifetimes.
We call these emotions "abstract," because though we all experience them, and experience them often at that, we all experience them differently. Not only differently from one another, but differently each time we go through them ourselves.
And yet, we love to feel them all. Even the bitter ones. We're so fascinated by them. It's as though we can't feel them enough. We read novels, watch movies, listen to music all so that we can feel them some more.
I have decided, over just the past few hours, that this is because of our human desire for interconnectedness. We know that we all experience these emotions, but we want to know how. How do others experience it? How does that compare to us? What's different? Why does it happen? We want to feel what they feel. See what they see. It's our attempt to step outside ourselves and experience the world through another's eyes. Because, if we can do that, if we can feel through others, then maybe we can understand them better. Connect with them on a deeper level.
With every generation, I think we're become even more bold with our inter-experiences, as well. What we watch, read, and listen to has evolved from the cookie-cutter, socially acceptable spectrums to a whole plethora of new scenarios.
As I watched this movie, I was captivated by the relationships and the emotions of the characters: gay and straight, old and young, ethical and...well...not so much. I found that I wasn't so concerned with right and wrong, wasn't concerned with gender or race or anything really. (Not that I believe that latter two matter in relationships platonic, romantic, or otherwise.)
I made a post a couple days ago about the oversexualization of women and of the American culture in general, and to branch off of that, I would like to add that I feel like society is split. There's a part of us that's being stunted. That in trying so hard to all actively be individuals, we're becoming more and more the same. We're also becoming more self-focused and, many of us, more sex focused and status focused, than ever before.
However, I think there's another side, as well. I feel that, because of all of this, there are even more of us that are starved to know more. Starved to connect. Curious why. We're not so concerned that we're watching a movie in which a male teacher may potentially be about to begin a sexual relationship with his male student, we're interested in the dynamic of how it works and feels and the whys and internalizations. We want to connect with anyone, anyway we can, for whatever limited amount of time that we have in our daily schedules.
I must say, I find this comforting. At least, even if they don't know how, there are some that want to be part of the great of the picture, part of the whole, part of the interconnectedness that is humanity.