For those of you who don't know, I am currently looking for an agent. I have done a few rounds of editing on my novel, Synesthesis, have passed it around to friends, and am now doing a major research project on everything involving getting agented and eventually getting published.
Now, last night, as I was looking through various agent finding sites, I started to realize something: tears. Every once and a while...I just started crying and could barely stop myself. Does this sound strange? Has this happened to anyone, because, personally, I think it's strange. Lol.
Let me explain further... As I was making my long list of potential agents to eventually be ordered and ranked and all sorts of fun stuff, I often find myself really getting into their bios and stories. What inspired them inspired me. It seemed that everything they wanted was something that I had been dying to hear. They would say "we want gritty, cutting edge dystopian novels with strong male characters that can potentially break the boundaries between YA and adult." And I would say to myself, "Oh my god! That's what I have." And then they would talk about their passion and dreams and how they've spent their entire lives, since they were children, reading books, and I'd be like "Oh my god, I'm in love!"
Try telling my tear ducts that half these people may reject me and that they're all just regular folks trying to get by and do what they love. Try telling my tear ducts that I've still got a month or so before I'll be fully confident in sending out query letters and I need to slow down. I mean, they were going all out listening-to-Snow-Patrol-while-eating-dark-chocolate-and-watching-Grey's-Anatomy style. (Speaking of which, I found Grey's Anatomy particularly heart wrenching tonight.)
I've always been the emotional type. I'm that girl that cries at commercials and movie previews and cute children in K-Mart and random acts of kindness. I'm that girl. But if my tear ducts are acting up at this, I can't imagine what the rest of the process is going to be like. (Note to self: buy more loose tea and dark chocolate)